The Truth About Divorce, Trauma & Your Kids

Reparenting saved me from the guilt, the fear, and the trauma of separation.

Hello MindFull Readers,

Trauma made me make a promise when I was just a child—a promise I didn’t realise I couldn’t keep…

If you’re a parent navigating divorce—whether you’re in the thick of it, have made it through, or know someone who is—this is for you. Especially if you’ve walked away from an abusive or narcissistic relationship.

You’ve probably heard of the oxygen mask theory. Before takeoff, flight safety videos always instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others—including your children. There’s a reason for that.

And this same principle applies when you’re going through a divorce:

1. When your emotions are dysregulated, your children will feel it. They will see it in your reactions.
2. When you neglect your physical well-being, your health suffers.
3. When your “battle” with your ex overshadows what’s best for your children, negativity takes hold and becomes the cycle they grow up in.

But back to that promise I made as a child.

In my early teen years, I swore: “I will never get divorced. I won’t make my children suffer because of my relationship.”

And yet, in 2017, I separated from my ex-husband, ending an abusive and dishonest relationship. For years, I had battled my own inner wounds, convinced that breaking that promise meant failing my children.

But I was wrong!

Here’s how reparenting helped me navigate the storm:

1. I learned that my feelings were valid—and that I deserved to honour them.
2. I embraced my inner child wounds and worked hard to transform them into something meaningful.
3. I realised, while drowning in depression, that neglecting myself was hurting everyone—including my children.
4. The more I healed, the more my children bloomed. When I picked myself up, I could finally be present with them in mind, body, and soul.
5. Breaking the cycle of generational trauma had to start with me.

And you can do it too.

This journey isn’t easy. But choosing to become the best version of yourself—for you—creates a ripple effect on the people around you.

So, if you ever feel guilty for focusing on yourself in the midst of crisis, know this: You are not selfish. You are a beautiful work in progress. You are worthy of healing and evolving.