Tears slipped behind my sunglasses as I told my daughter how I really felt…
Hello MindFull Readers,
Tears slipped down behind my sunglasses, and my oldest daughter noticed. She saw me struggling as I spoke about how I truly felt about our Sunday arrangements.
It was a typical Saturday—our usual routine of shuttling all three kids to their extracurricular activities. One went to gymnastics, another to a youth pilot program, and the oldest to dance. This time, my husband and I decided that I would be the one taking care of our oldest daughter (Big A).
Sundays have always been the day when our two daughters spend time with their biological father. But as I sat there, it was as if the fog of routine lifted, and I realised something that hit me harder than I expected—Sunday is also our only real free day as a family.
For years, I had given up these pockets of unstructured time to ensure they still spent time with their bio dad. And I never really paused to consider how much my husband and I were sacrificing in return. What stung even more was knowing that, more often than not, their bio dad simply parked them at their grandparents’ house, fell asleep while “spending time” with them, or handed them screens instead of engaging in real, meaningful moments.
That realisation triggered a storm of emotions. I found myself asking: Should I share my feelings with my daughter? Is it fair to open up to her about this?
After many discussions with my husband, we decided that it was important to be honest—at an age-appropriate level. And so, I chose to have that conversation with Big A.
Our conversation went like this:
Me: “You know, sweetie, I have had something weighing on my mind and heart for quite a long time. I’d really like to talk to you about it.”
Big A: “Okay, Mummy. What is it?”
Me: “Sometimes, I feel a little sad that I don’t get to spend Sundays with you as an actual free day—just us, with nothing planned. Mummy and Daddy work really hard from Monday to Friday, and then Saturday is packed with everyone’s activities. Sunday is our only off day as a family, and I would really love to spend that time with you sometimes.” (At this point, tears started rolling down my face.)
Big A: noticed immediately, moved closer, and squeezed my hand.
Big A: “Mummy, why are you crying?”
Me: “I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings, but I also believe that honesty and open communication are important. I just want you to be as happy as you can be, because you deserve it so much. And I know you’re happy when you visit Papa.”
By now, she had tears in her eyes too.
Big A: “Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Mummy? Let’s do this—let me spend alternate Sundays with you and Papa. I want to spend time with you too!”
Even now, that conversation brings tears to my eyes. In that moment, I realised how much stronger our bond had become.
Vulnerability Creates Connection
Being vulnerable with your child—at the right emotional level—can be exactly what you need to strengthen your relationship. It encourages open, honest conversations and teaches them that emotions are not something to be ashamed of. When we model emotional honesty, we give our children the permission and courage to do the same.
And that? That is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. 🩵
